


i love you (do you love me?)

by adorechan



Series: vent fics [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, M/M, Overthinking, Polyamory, Rant Fic, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-19
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24799915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorechan/pseuds/adorechan
Summary: seokmin can't stop convincing himself that they hate him.rant ficvent fic
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Lee Seokmin | DK/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: vent fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793731
Comments: 1
Kudos: 26





	i love you (do you love me?)

**Author's Note:**

> i cant stop loving them no matter what i do
> 
> -
> 
> this is just me venting and projecting onto seokmin because i can't do anything else.

seokmin knows that they love him, they tell him all the time. yet, sometimes, when he's all alone and left to himself, he thinks otherwise. it hurts so bad because its all in his head, right? it has to be. 

it has to be because he doesn't know if he'll be able to take it if its not all in his head. he'll scream, he'll cry. it has to be all in his head because it already hurts enough. it'll hurt even more if its true. 

he hates himself for thinking this way. he can't help it. mingyu's so much prettier than him, of course minghao would love him more. mingyu's better at talking, being affectionate, at everything. of course minghao would love him better than seokmin. seokmin's not pretty enough, not good at loving people, not good at anything. he's never good enough for anyone, why did he ever think he was?

minghao and mingyu always hang out more, always talk more. he feels excluded. he wants to be with them more. he wants to feel included. he doesn't want to feel like a third wheel in his own relationship anymore. he wants to talk to them about it, communication is key. but, the mere thought of it makes him feel like he'll throw up. the anxiety is too much. the anxiety forms a pit in his stomach that hurts so bad. its not even real pain, just something his mind made up to make him feel even worse. he knows he should talk to them about it because, god, this pain is too much. but, he cant. no matter how much he wants to, no matter how many times he writes out the messages only to delete them. he's scared they'll leave him. he's scared that these thoughts of his, these feelings he has will ruin everything. he doesn't want to lose them. they're his everything.

seokmin always has these feelings, until they do a little thing that makes him feel better. the relief is brief but its still there. he keeps these feelings inside because he can't talk to anyone. he's too afraid that no one will understand. how could they? he keeps them bottled up inside him until he's overfilling with emotion. and, then he breaks down. he sobs into his pillows because he can't scream. he doesn't want mingyu and minghao to hear him. they'll be worried. yet, somehow, they're one of the causes of his misery. they make him so happy yet so sad. but, its not like they know. he can't blame them. he can only blame himself. 

when will the pain he brings upon himself end?

he doesn't know.


End file.
